Help me say Goodbye
by Aislynn Goldleaf
Summary: My third Songfic from PTO. Focusing on the end of Scene 4, beginning of Scene 5, Act II of PTO. Wishing you were somehow here again
1. I

**Help me say Goodbye**

A Yu-Gi-Oh Songfic

By Aislynn Goldleaf

* * *

Yu-Gi-Oh is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi, and is being used in this fan fiction for fan purposes only. All situations, opinions and characters not belonging to Kazuki Takahashi are the intellectual property of me. People, situations, and characters in this story are entirely fictional, any resemblance to actual people or events is unintentional. This disclaimer is for this story in its entirety.

The Phantom of the Opera  by Andrew Lloyd Webber, lyrics by Charles Hart. My double-CD edition of PTO includes the full script of the play and is where I have pulled the lyrics to this wonderful song from.

Focusing on the very end of Scene 4, beginning of Scene 5, Second Act of PTO.

**Warning: Depressing  
**

* * *

**  
**

---

_In sleep_

_he sang to me,_

_in dreams_

_he came..._

_that voice_

_which calls to me_

_and speaks_

_my name..._

---

Yuugi lay on his back in bed, staring dully out his window at the night sky. He wore a black sweat suit, and thick black socks to ward off the chill he felt. The millennium puzzle lay on his desk, bathed in the glow of the two candles placed to either side of it. Tonight made two months without a word, a thought, or the faintest glimmer from the puzzle. The other six millennium items had all become inert the same night the puzzle had, and not even Ishizu knew what had happened. He wondered if Ryou felt as empty as he did...

Mentally he reached out to the spirit of the puzzle, pouring into the message all the longing, all the loneliness that he felt. back to me...'

It was after midnight when he finally began drifting into a half-sleep. He felt himself floating, and called out again. _'Yami...'_

_'Aibou.'_ The quiet and familiar voice jerked Yuugi from his shallow sleep. He searched his room frantically, crying bitterly when no trace of the spirit could be found. It had only been a cruel dream. He flung himself back onto the bed, and sobbed until he fell into an exhausted sleep.

_He ran through familiar convoluted stone corridors the color of desert sands, unheeding of the darkness, uncaring of the traps he knew were there. His steps were sure as he pelted down one hallway after another, chasing something he could never quite see, never quite catch. A ghostly image always just ahead of him._

_ A remembered voice echoed around him, singing snatches of Ancient Egyptian tunes that he had never managed to learn the words to. He kept running, searching for the golden door, but it wasn't there... it never was..._

He woke again at dawn on the verge of tears. His dreams were becoming too painful, feeling the loss anew each morning he awoke and the spirit was silent...


	2. II

---

_You were once_

_my one companion..._

_you were all_

_that mattered..._

_You were once_

_a friend and father –_

_then my world_

_was shattered..._

_---_

A dungeon monster game piece smashed into the wall, followed rapidly by the board. The room was a complete disaster. Smashed toys lay on the floor where they fell, the bed was in shambles, and on it, lay a disheveled Ryou. He cradled the millennium ring against his bare chest, his pajama bottoms hugging his hips. He suddenly curled into a fetal position, fresh tears running down his cheeks as he sobbed. _'Ryu! Ryu, where are you? You promised! You** promised**!'_

Ryou had given his spirit of the ring that name when he'd discovered that the ancient presence couldn't remember his own. Once the spirit had calmed, listened to reason and his host, he'd become Ryou's closest friend, even replaced Ryou's absentee father... he had been everything to Ryou.

And the spirit had promised he would never leave, never abandon him, no matter what. As long as Ryou wore the ring, they would be together.

Ryou gasped as the hollow pain in his chest grew, threatening to consume him. He reached through the link to the ring where the emptiness began. All the anguish, anger and emptiness he felt flooded through him in a silent cry. '_**Ryu!**'_

His body relaxed as he fell unwillingly into an exhausted sleep, his mind fighting it with every remaining shred of awareness that he had. His dreams were memories, hauntingly happy dreams of the things they had shared together. Painfully replaying private chats, shared feelings, confessions, all that they had together, all that they were...

Ryou awoke with an anguished scream. His heart breaking anew as the dreams faded and reality came to the fore. Angry tears flooded down from his red-rimmed eyes. _'Why?! **Why?!** You promised!'_

How long would it take to repair his shattered world? His fractured heart? His broken soul?


	3. III

---

_Wishing you were_

_somehow here again..._

_Wishing you were_

_somehow near..._

_Sometimes it seemed,_

_if I just dreamed,_

_somehow you would_

_be here..._

_---_

They say "Time heals all wounds.", but first, one must survive the cruel winter before spring may come...

Six months, and still Yuugi and Ryou lived in a haze of misery. Sorrow-clouded minds functioning only enough to keep the body alive. They moved by instinct and long habit. Eating only when necessary. Sleeping too much, escaping the pain with happier dreams, only to have their hearts broken anew each morning when their fervent wishes and prayers were denied once more.

They seemed to be stalled, unable to advance through the grieving process. Their friends and family watched them closely, having been warned of the signs of suicide. Watched as they held onto the frail hope that the spirits of the millennium items would return. Watched as the pair awoke each morning to find themselves alone, heartsore and weary of life.

A year, and false smiles became plastered on shattered souls, simply because it was expected of them. Living mechanically through each day, pretending all was now well. Passing time until they could escape into their dreams, fervent wishes, and fragile hopes.

Hopes ever shattered in the steel grey of dawn, as the ones wished for and dreamed of, never appeared.


	4. IV

---

_Wishing I could_

_hear your voice again..._

_knowing that I_

_never would..._

_Dreaming of you_

_won't help me to do_

_all that you dreamed_

_I could..._

_---_

Six more months had passed, and even though Yuugi still felt empty, still mourned his friends absence, there was something different this morning. He was calm.

The tears were there, ready, but stubbornly refused to fall. He was drained, forlorn, and eerily calm.

Everything was the same as it had always been for the last eighteen months, but the crushing sense of despair had eased. In its place was the calm...the acceptance of the situation. Acceptance of the fact that Yami would most likely never send warm thoughts his way again. Never appear ghost-like before him. Never again to duel together as they had years ago.

In fact, Yuugi couldn't remember the last time he'd dueled. In all this time, was he even still the top duelist? A quick phone call to Seto confirmed that he was indeed, still King of Games. No one had wished to disturb him while he grieved.

They had made a waiting list, prepared for whenever Yuugi was ready to return. Arrangements were made to have the list delivered, Yuugi finally realizing that he'd never live up to Yami's expectations of him if he just gave up. He could be strong for Yami...

Even if Yami was...

gone...


	5. V

---

_Passing bells_

_and sculpted angels,_

_cold and monumental,_

_seem, for you,_

_the wrong companions –_

_you were warm and gentle..._

_---_

Ryou walked slowly through the memorial gardens, thoughts full of Ryu. Statues and miniature gardens surrounded him, silent homage to those who had gone before. He had saved for nine months at his friends' suggestion, and now he had enough for a small... something... to place here.

But nothing was right, nothing fit, nothing was just plain...Ryu. The gardens were empty, hollow places, devoid of any warmth or love. He walked aimlessly about for a while longer before leaving. None of those cold statues could truly honor him, no simple grouping of plants could possibly compete with a shining memory.

The memory of his smile, his ghost-like touch. The warmth of the ancient spirit, true physical warmth, even in the coldest of winters. His voice, so similar, and yet so different from his own. The kindnesses Ryu showed, only to him! No one, not even Yuugi could ever understand.

Ryou fled the gardens, clutching the millennium ring beneath his shirt, feeling the metal warm against his skin. The stinging tears that refused to fall after two years' worth of weeping. He ran through the streets heading for the park, to _their_ place. Ignoring the stares of passers-by, the rude shouts of those he roughly bumped into.

The millennium ring was the only thing he had to remember Ryu by, it was his cenotaph, it was all he needed...

except...

he needed...

he needed Ryu more...


	6. VI

---

_Too many years_

_fighting back tears..._

_Why can't the past_

_just die...?_

_---_

Ryou and He met at the shore that year. For the past four years, they had met somewhere, together, on this one special night. The hikari of the millennium puzzle and the hikari of the millennium ring, still good friends after all, after everything they had experienced together. They met to remember, to honor, to hope and to pray.

They continued to wear their millennium items. Clinging to their golden splendor despite Ishizu's continued requests for their items to join the other five in the tomb. Still unwilling to give up on their spirits.

"Jou and Mai got married this summer..."

"She really robbed the cradle this time."

"Any news of Mokuba?"

"No, he's still stationed overseas somewhere, even Seto doesn't know. Anzu?"

"America. She got tired of waiting for me...but...I..." Yuugi couldn't continue.

Ryou sighed despondently. "I know... I can't give up on mine either."

At last the tears began to fall anew, saved up during the long year to fall gracefully this one night. The memories still clear, the fragile hope still alive despite the years that had passed.

"We'll see them again Ryou... I... I just know it...."

"I don't know... I don't know how much longer I can hold out Yuugi... It still hurts..."

"We have to be strong, for _them_ Ryou, if for no other reason."

They held onto each other, remembering funny incidents with the spirits, talking until dawn about their missing spirits.

"Yuugi, don't think badly of me... It just hurts...so much..." Yuugi watched his pale friend for a moment, waiting for whatever Ryou was trying to say. "Sometimes I wish I could just forget him... that all we did, all we had together had never happened... then maybe I wouldn't hurt so much now..."

Ryou curled up around the ring, his tears flooding out anew. Yuugi held him gently, tears in his own amethyst eyes. "I know Ryou. But if we forget them, then they truly will be gone..."

The morning sun dried their tears with the changing seashore winds, the waves crashing calmed their sorrow-filled sobs, until they too, ceased. Soon, the beach was empty, silent except for the waves once more.


	7. VII

---

_Wishing you were_

_somehow here again..._

_knowing we must_

_say goodbye..._

_Try to forgive..._

_teach me to live..._

_give me the strength_

_to try..._

---

Ryou curled over his steering wheel, grasping blindly for the radio once he'd pulled safely over. Why did they have to play that song, and tonight, of all nights.

Yuugi was out of town on a business trip with the Kaiba brothers, so this would be his first time alone on this anniversary. The tears had begun with the first few notes through the car's stereo, his heartache undiminished despite ten years of absence. He turned the radio off as the song ended, taking a few more minutes to bring himself under control before pulling back out into traffic.

Ryou turned off at the Domino City exit, parking at the Kame Game Shop – or where it used to be. His old house was only a few blocks from here, hopefully the family living there now would allow him into the garden for a few moments. He wanted to be close to where he had first met Ryu, had first been able to hold a coherent conversation with the ancient spirit.

He wished, oh how he wished he could speak to Ryu again...

Even if it was only to tell his friend goodbye...

-

-

Once he had explained himself, the family living in his old house had been more than happy to let him into the garden. They had made only minor changes – replacing those plants that had died, trimming the back hedge into some semblance of order. The wife had even invited him to stay the night in his own room, but Ryou politely declined. He didn't wish to impose.

He sat down on the old stone bench that had always been there. Memories crowded around him, begging to be noticed, to be viewed once more. The night he and Ryu first spoke... The spirit had been a little insane at the time, not comprehending what had happened. He'd hurt Ryou, and his friends – or tried to. Ryou hadn't really understood what was going on at first either, not until Ishizu at the Domino Museum had used her millennium item to clarify the situation.

Years of talking, pleading with the spirit before he calmed and began to listen. Finding out the spirit had been playing them all, manipulating them while observing everything. All the spirit could remember in detail of his prior existence, was getting caught with the ring Ryou wore while robbing the nameless Pharaoh's tomb. The spirit remembered nothing else – not even his own name.

When Ryou had shyly offered to give the ancient spirit a name, the spirit had simply stared at him in amazement. No one had ever been this nice to him – or even cared enough to do something like that.

It had proven to be a turning point in their relationship.

The tears came then, as they always did this one night of the year, but slowly, reverently. _'Ryu, I don't want to say goodbye. It hurts so much to live without you.'_

Ryou pulled up his sleeves, gazing sadly at his scarred wrists a few minutes before continuing. _'Forgive my weakness, my friend. Help me to find the strength to live, to try and continue without you. I... I miss you so much Ryu...'_

Ryou jumped slightly as he felt a warm blanket placed over his shoulders. The wife enfolded him in her arms, made soothing shushing noises as he began crying harder.

No longer the bitter grieving tears, but soft tears of loneliness and healing...


	8. VIII

---

_No more memories,_

_no more silent tears..._

_No more gazing across_

_the wasted years..._

_Help me say_

_goodbye._

_---_

Mutou Yuugi was very, very old. His grey hair still in the familiar spikes, his pale amethyst eyes still holding onto their innocent gaze. He lay quietly in his bed at the nursing home, too weak to care for himself any longer. He was the nurses' favorite, still child-like in his demeanor, and listening patiently to his endless fantastic stories of Yami.

The only times he ever gave them the slightest difficulty, were when they tried to remove his golden puzzle medallion, and on one particular night of the year. Tonight...

-

-

Loud, heart-rending sobs echoed down the halls from Mutou-san's room. The charge nurse on duty paged the staff psychologist on call, hopefully she would be able to help. His nurse came in, trying to console him as best she could until the psychologist could arrive.

He was old, and weak, and tired of living. When the psychologist tried to find out what was going on, he only sobbed harder. "Yami... my Yami..."

"He was very important to you?"

"Hai, daiji na."

"Would you tell me about him?"

"Iie. Mohaya omoidetachi nai. Mohaya mitsumemasu mukashi nai toshi o yokogitte..." He paused to draw a ragged breath. "Help me say goodbye."

"Where is he? How can I contact him?" She looked confused as he held up his gold pendant.

"He left us a long time ago..." Yuugi said sadly. "Can you promise me something? Something very important?"

"Of course." She reached over and opened a drawer he indicated with a shaky hand. Inside was an ornate golden box. She handed it to him gently, watching as he respectfully opened it. He lifted the puzzle up and over his head, holding it before him in his aged hands.

"When we are done, promise, _swear_ to me that you will hand-deliver this to the Ishtar family at the Domino Museum." He held her with an unblinking gaze until she had sworn to his satisfaction. Then, with her help, he slowly, carefully disassembled the puzzle. Lovingly, reverently kissing each piece before placing it into the box on top of his favorite duel monsters cards.

The psychologist watched alarmed as Mutou-san grew weaker and weaker with each piece he removed, almost appearing as if the puzzle had held his life.

He held the last piece in his shaking, aged hands. The piece with the sennen eye upon it. He kissed it reverently, whispering as he held it a moment longer before placing it into the box. "Goodbye..."

He had just enough strength remaining in him to firmly close the box, hearing the latch click, knowing that it might never again open.

-

-

The psychologist had seen a few people die before, but none that effected her like Mutou Yuugi's. After he closed the box, his breathing became irregular and labored. Aware of his signed DNR order, she held his hand so he knew he was not alone. He took a deep breath, his last, clearly exclaiming in a youthful voice. "Yami! You came back!"

The woman swore to the Ishtars when she delivered the box into their hands, that at the moment Mutou-san spoke his final words, something amazing happened. His spirit had appeared, young once again, and leapt into the waiting arms of another spirit that could have been his twin.

As a bright light consumed the pair, a rich, amused voice replied. "My Aibou, I never left your side..."

-

-

In memory of all those who have gone on ahead....

-

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* * *

A.N.---

Once again, please forgive my poor attempts at Japanese, and let me know if there are corrections to be made. If I did ok, let me know too, I'm concerned that I have errors here, but it was important to put it in the Japanese. Older people often slip back into their birth-language as they get closer to death.

daiji na – of great significance/ very important.

Mohaya omoidetachi nai – (mohaya ...nai – no more)(omoide – memory, tachi – makes plural.)

Mohaya mitsumemasu mukashi nai toshitachi o yokogitte. – (mohaya ... nai – no more)(mitsumemasu – gazing)(mukashi – back)(o yokogitte – across)(toshi – year, tachi – makes plural)

DNR – Do Not Resuscitate – basically means do not perform CPR or any lifesaving measures.


End file.
